"Mean People Suck."
Dear Mean People,
You suck. Of all the words I don't like, this one is the one I like the least. So perhaps it's fitting that I use my least liked word to describe you. I've been a middle school principal going on 23 years now and there are some universal truths and you perpetuate one of the saddest truisms. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'm not sure why your mean to others but what I do know is that your behaviors are not only impacting the lack of civility found in society today but the most deveastating impact you are having is on your children and possibly their friends.
"Happy people evaulate themselves; unhappy people evaluate others." This quote is attributed to Dr. William Glasser whose work in Control Theory I've blended into my personal and professional life. I've found that a strong correlation exists between the behaviors we observe here at school and the culture and climate that likely exists in your home. I know that may sound harsh but it's true. How do we know? Easy! Kids have never been very good at listening to adults but they have never failed to imitate them. Adults who are positive, constructve, play with their children and model responsible social interactions have children that tend to do the same. Adults who model the antithesis of these attributes are...well I"m sure even Mean People like you can finish that thought. But just in case please read on.
As a Mean Person, if the majority of your behaviors and words towards others are mean, this will become your child's new norm. They will see that being mean to others is an acceptable way to get what they want or believe they're entitled to have. If being mean to others is your way to influence those around you then this too will be how your children learn to handle their business. As a pretty good basketball player back in the day, I can honestly tell you I never once heard my parents or any of my friend's parents criticize one of our coaches. They simply didn't do that. Such conversations were never held in our presence. It truly was a more civil time in in my life. However today, with all of it's amazing potential, social media sources have become the preferred format to air one's grievences. When you go on Facebook and rant about your child's teacher, coach, or what have you, you've sent two powerful messages. First, you are making it acceptable for your child to do the same to other adults and peers alike. And second, you are modeling the same cyber-bullying behaviors we're trying to educate our students about here at school.
From policy makers to school administrators, our fight against bullying in shools will never be won until you, the Mean People raising little mean people ends. It really is that simple. Heavier consequences, new rules, programs and laws designed to prevent bullying in our schools really begins in your home. You see, I can't effectively parent for you and try to instill in your
child(ren) the civility and tolerance they should have for others. Don't get me wrong, I WILL do my best. That's my job. But it's hard for me to undo the mean things modeld by you in the time I have with them. When you behave this way in front of your children you validate this ugly behavior as an acceptable way to make your point or to gain your end goal(s). The negative attitudes, behaviors and words modeled by you gives your child the approval they need to openly bully, demean or tease others. You've shown them the way yet ask me to fix the problem. I WILL do my best but I have a request of you.
Mean People, we all have a tough life. Some have it tougher than others. However, your chroic bitternes is the root cause of the majority of bullying in our schools. I know you want better for your child but how you're choosing to go about it, in the end, is simply raising the liklihood that you are raising another mean person. Please give your
children the chance they deserve at a brighter future by modeling for them what it takes to be civil and tolerant of others. Everyone has the capacity within themself to find some shred of joy in their life. We will never have all the money we want, the recognition we desire or the earthly things that makes life a little easier. What you do have is power of choice. Do a random act of kindness some day for a stranger. Write a Thank You note to someone who did right by you. Even a simple smile and wave can make someone else's day. Small positives such as these will unlock the happy place in your heart and begin the healing process.
Will we ever eliminate bullying and teasing from our schools and society? Not as long as we have big mean people raising little mean people.
Sincerely,
Steve Kwikkel
